


He no longer needs me 널 원할 수록 내 현실은 거칠어지고 있어

by eyecannotbelieveya



Category: NCT (Band), WAYV, Way V, Weishen V
Genre: Alternate Universe - After College/University, Angst, Angst with Sad Ending, Bear with me and my grammatically errors english is not my mother tongue, Confession, Its proof read though, Johnny is a photographer, M/M, Minor Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Qian Kun, Past Relationship(s), jaehyun and doyoung are also mentioned, johnny and kun were a couple, johnny still loves kun, jonhkun, kind off, kun doesnt love him anymore, kun is a teacher, not beated we die like real men, swicthes between present time and the past, ten - Freeform, the title comes form no longer, we need more johnkun
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-21
Updated: 2019-06-21
Packaged: 2020-05-16 00:03:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19306561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eyecannotbelieveya/pseuds/eyecannotbelieveya
Summary: “I still love you.”“I asked Ten to marry me.”Johnny feels his heart break into a million tiny pieces as Kun looks at him, his eyes wide before he turns and walks away from him, leaving him standing in the middle of the woods.





	He no longer needs me 널 원할 수록 내 현실은 거칠어지고 있어

**Author's Note:**

> Hi, hello, hallo, *in Caucasian* nihao, I'm going to stop now but hi!  
> This idea has been in my notes for almost a month but I began writing it a little over twenty four hours ago. I'm not very good at writing angst or things that are sad but I hope it doesn't suck.
> 
> Also, if you read the tags; Kun and Johnny were a couple but you already know that, also, I hope the switching between the present and past (the text that's written in cursive) isn't to confusing;))))
> 
> As always, if you leave a comment or kudos, that makes me extremely happy.
> 
> Twitter: idonthaveireum
> 
> CC: idonthaveireum

 

 

The sun rose a few hours ago and Johnny _knows_ that Kun has been awake ever since it rose, still being the same morning bird as he was when the two were a couple in college. Johnny was also almost certain that he had heard the other speak to someone early this morning  on the other side of the thin wall that separated their bedrooms in the small cottage they were borrowing from a mutual friend. It had sounded like Mandarin but Johnny's brain was way to foggy in the early hours of the morning to think. He had fallen asleep shortly after. 

 

Kun had awakened Johnny with a cup of coffee, his smaller body dipping the mattress down beside him and the idea of the two taking a walk in the woods after Johnny had fully awakened and that’s where he finds himself at the moment, strolling beside the man that is the love of his life. The woods that surrenders the two with leaves and grass at all sides are almost dead silent, the only sounds are a bird that once in a while will chipper in the distance and two sets of feet walking.

 

Kun is at an arm's-length from Johnny and when he glances over at him, he notices that Kun is wearing jorts of all things and a white, tight fitting t-shirt, his abs slightly showing. Johnny feels his heart doubling in speed because _holy fuck,_ jorts were ugly but Kun was no where near ugly. 

 

A old memory of the two starts to play in Johnny’s head and he slips back into the loving moment he treasures deep inside his heart. The scene unfolds right in front of his eyes. 

 

_“Johnny?” Johnny hears Kun yell out as the sound of the door closing behind him rings through the small dorm. Johnny throws of his blanket, deciding that greeting his lover naked wasn’t the right time._

 

_“In here!” He yells as he climbs out of his bed, bare feet planted onto the floor as he_ _begins searching for his hoodie and sweatpants that he had thrown somewhere on the floor the previous night. They're laid on the floor, at the end of his bed, a nice little pile of clothes thrown messily onto the floor._

 

_He can hear Kun entering the small space of his bedroom and he turns to towards him. Johnny stands there with his hoodie halfway on and when he locks eyes with Kun, he sends him a flirty wink before pulling the hoodie completely down._

 

_Kun laughs as he begins moving closer to where Johnny is stood at, standing in between his dresser and bed._

 

_“You’re such a dork,” Kun whispers as he wraps his strong arms around Johnny’s waist and Johnny catches a glimpse of the two dimples on Kun’s face. “I love it.”_

 

_His words are muffled by Johnny’s chest but Johnny still hears his words, it makes his heart flutter. Johnny saviors Kun’s sweet words inside his heart as he leans down and leaves a soft kiss on the crown of Kun’s head. The brown curls feels soft against his cheek._

 

_“I love you, so much.” Johnny says into the small curls on top of Kun’s head, the words roll easily off his tongue. Like he has said it a million times even though this is the first time he has ever told the other. It rings in his head, like a mantra. I love you, I love you, I love you. Johnny wanted to repeat those three words meant for Kun for the rest of his life, and that was what he had planned to do._

 

_He feels Kun smile into his chest. He imagines Kun’s smile as he rocks the two back and forth, loving the feeling of Kun being wrapped up into his arms. Kun being slightly smaller both in height and built. They fit together like a complete puzzle piece._

 

_“I love you too, so much.” Kun tells him as he leaves small kisses on the tallers collarbone, the small words that meant so much to humanity rolled off Kun’s tongue just as easy, maybe even easier than they had rolled out of Johnny’s mouth._

 

Johnny’s heart aches, the memory hurts physically, he can feel his heart pulling itself together, leaving him breathing a little faster than normal. Johnny misses Kun, misses cooking for him even though he was a shitty cook, misses making love to him on his shitty mattress in his old dorm that would squeak whenever Kun thrusted into him, misses waking up beside, misses loving him.

 

Their relationship had ended in their third year of college.

 

Johnny had been offered a scholarship in Europe and Kun was drowning in school work and almost never had time for anything else than his studies.

 

Their relationship had a crystal clear start but a foggy ending and that was probably what made it _so_ hard for Johnny to heal and to move on from him. But, he was also hoping that the other hadn’t moved on from him either.

 

“This last week has been extremely relaxing.” Kun breaks the silence between the two and Johnny turns his focus from the path in front of them and over to his ex-lover. “No tests to grade, no brunch dates, no mobile signal. It’s been great.” Kun smiles at him, eyes twinkling with happiness and his dimples fully on display.

 

Johnny would climb every mountain, swim every ocean no matter how deep it was and cross every border line by foot if it meant that Kun’s happiness would forever be permanent.

 

Kun’s smiles triggers another memory from the back of his mind and this one pulls harder on his heart strings than the other had did.

 

_Kun is sitting across from him, munching happily on the over-priced steak Johnny ordered for their one year anniversary. Kun looks eternal where he is sat, in his dress shirt, the loosened tie around his neck, sleeves rolled up his forearms, hair messily due to him running his hands through it and his jacket hanging on the back of his chair. He was stunning where he was sat._

 

_The small box in Johnny’s pocket feels heavier than ever before and his hands starts shaking, feeling more nervous than he had felt throughout the eternity of the night._

 

_Johnny lays down his used cutlery at the end of his plate, meal only half eaten. “Kun?”_

 

_Kun looks up from his steak and looks at him with big, curious eyes. He hums a small “hm” through his mouth full of meat before he swallows it down and wipes his mouth with a napkin. He lays down his cutlery beside his plate and turns his complete focus over to Johnny._

 

_Johnny lets out a shaky breath. “I don’t know if this is the right time to ask you this,- hell, it most likely isn’t, but when is really the right time to ask?” Kun’s eyes widen, they look like two big, round dinner plates,  Johnny worries that they might fall out of their sockets. Kun has caught on to where this is leading._

 

_“And I know that you aren’t really big on the whole “get married, have kids, live happily ever after” agenda but I want you to know that no, this isn’t a proposal but more of a promise. A promise of happiness, respect and love. So Qian Kun, can I promise you, that one day, in our future, I will ask you to marry me and that you’ll say yes?” Johnny asks, now standing on one knee, a silver ring on display in a small, red box as Kun silently cries, big, watery pearls of liquid running down his soft cheeks._

 

_“I hate that you manage to make me cry,-” Kun says as he wipes his eyes with his hands. “And the answer is yes, a million times yes.”_

 

_Johnny gets back on his feet and slips the promise ring onto Kun’s left ring finger, the silver blinks when it hits the light from the candle lights inside the restaurant and the dim lights from the chandeliers._

 

_“It’s a promise.” Johnny says before he closes the distance between their lips and kisses the other softly. Kun pulls Johnny closer by the belt loops of his pants and Kun laughs into the kiss. Johnny breaks the kiss and rest his forehead against Kun while a wide grin is showing on his face. Kun smiles back at him._

 

“It’s been nice.” Johnny says and the silence falls over the two once again. If Johnny had felt like talking, he would have asked, _begged_ for Kun and him to get together again.

 

The two walk deeper into the woods, the sunshine barley slips in through the thick blanket of the green leaves on the threes that are stood close to each other. If it hadn't been for the sun and the warm weather, Johnny would have found the woods extremely creepy. 

 

“Johnny?” Kun questions after a long time of silence, the sound of his voice brings Johnny back to earth and out of his thought chain.

 

He hums as a answer, having to force himself not to turn his head and look at the other and trigger his brain to remind him of old memories that would haunt him for ages.

 

“Can I ask you a personal question?”

 

“Yes.” Johnny’s mouth answers before his brain has the time to process what the other had just asked. 

 

He can see the shorter twiddling with the bracelet on his left hand in his side view as he braces himself for whatever question Kun is about to ask.

 

“Did you ever move on from me, from us, from what we had?” Kun asks, his voice low and gentle, he spoke to him the same way he used to speak to the then eight year old Yangyang that Kun had tutored for extra money when they went to college, it makes Johnny feel tiny, vulnerable, like he is a small, confused child that needs everything explained to him. He dislikes the feeling. 

 

“Yes.” He lies through his teeth and he can see Kun nodding, a sign that he wouldn’t question it further.

 

The two move further into the woods, the sunlight is completely gone now but the weather is still warm. Johnny wonders for himself if they are going to b walking for hours on end and when they are getting back to the hut.  

 

He looks over to Kun, taking in his side profile and he wonders how different his lips feels like, years after Johnny had last kissed them. Kun’s form sends Johnny’s mind back to the memory of the last time Johnny had seen Kun before he had met him in a old cottage a week ago, the last time his heart hadn’t hurt when he heard the name _‘Qian Kun’_ or seen his face on Jaehyun’s instagram feed.  The memory still feels fresh in his mind and it feels like a dagger is inserted in his chest and then twisted.

 

_“I’m taking the scholarship in Europe.” Johnny says, chest heaving up and down as he plops down beside beside Kun who is lying naked beside him, his chest also heaving up and down as he takes big breaths of air, filling his lungs with new oxygen as he moves around on the small mattress that squeaks under the two when either of them moved.  “I leave in two weeks.” Kun stops moving around, his body freezes and Johnny can see the muscles in his back stilling._

 

_Kun is laid with his back faced towards Johnny for a long time and he keeps quiet for just as long as he is laid this way, Johnny can just barely hear and see him breathing. It makes an enormous ball of anxiety form in Johnny’s gut, it feels like he is going to throw up._

 

_“Is this your way of breaking up with me?” Kun talks into the wall, still with his back facing Johnny. Kun sighs before he turns over onto his side._

 

_Johnny looks at the blue blanket that is draped over the two as he tugs at it slightly, not daring to look up at Kun, afraid that if he do, Kun’s face will be enough to make him stay._

 

_“No. no! We’ll talk everyday and I’ll send you lots of photos from Europe!” Johnny protests, panic evident in his rushed tone. This was not going the way he had hoped it would._

 

_“Get out.” Kun orders before he kicks Johnny out of his bed and turns over once again, facing the wall just as he had done a few minutes ago._

 

_Had Johnny tried harder that evening, had he begged Kun to stay, had he simply been more annoying that night, he might had been engaged to Kun now but life works in funny ways._

 

_Johnny had spent the last two weeks he was in China to try and explain himself to Kun, to win him back, to go back to normal between the two but all he was met with was locked doors, Doyoung telling him to fuck off and an endless amount if unanswered messages. Johnny left for Europe with his heart in multiple pieces._

 

Johnny can feel another tug on his heart, this memory had left a open wound on his heart that would never scarr and would for all eternity be there.

 

“That’s nice, it’s healthy for the both of us to move on, to forgive and to find new love in our lives.” Kun hums, his head turned forwards, a small smile is showing on his face.

 

Johnny halts, feet glued to the ground, he feels like he has thought enough and gathered enough courage to confess the truth. That the truth was that he hadn’t moved on and that he was still in love with the other.

 

Kun notices that Johnny isn’t walking beside him anymore after a few seconds and he stops, he turns and sees that Johnny is stood a few meters behind him. Kun moves back to where Johnny is standing.

 

“I need to tell you something.” Johnny says, his eyes turned down at the ground and his hands are shaking behind his back, hidden away from Kun's sight.

 

“Oh, nice. I also need to tell you something.”

 

Johnny looks up from the ground, hands still shaking behind his back as he faces Kun. Kun eyes are twinkling once again, his eyes reminds Johnny of the starry sky on a dark night. They’re pretty.

 

Johnny prays in his mind that Kun will say the same words as he will.

 

“Let’s do it like we used to, let’s count.” Kun smiles, small dimples once again on display, Johnny can feel something tug inside his chest.

 

“One.” Johnny starts, his ears catches the sound of a bird chirping in the distance.

 

“Two.” Kun says next, his eyes are brighter than ever before.

 

“Three.” The two say in unison and Johnny realizes that there is no turning back from this moment. That what he will say might ruin his relationship completely with the man he loves so much.

 

“I still love you.”

 

“I asked Ten to marry me.”

 

Johnny feels his heart break into a million tiny pieces as Kun looks at him, his eyes wide before he turns and walks away from him, leaving him standing in the middle of the woods.  


End file.
